It is time to be honest. I am not even sure who reads my blog any more
but for those of you who do I want to share with you what has been
going on in my life this past week. I didn’t Go to Mexico,
the day before I left some funding I was pretty sure I was going to get
fell through. THE DAY BEFORE I LEFT!! I was packed all ready to go. I
screamed and yelled to my God “ I DON’T TUST YOU� ! I was so angry I
was so hurt and I had just yelled at the one person that has always
been there for me and seen me at my worst but still loved me just the
way I am. So the next day I got in my car and
drove to Philly to seek retreat although certain members of my family
thought I ran away this wasn’t the case at all. So
that’s where I am and that’s where I have been. I do know that God has
the perfect plan for my life I am not an idiot and I wish people would
stop telling me that but knowing that still doesn’t take away what I am
feeling right now.. Right now those reasons for why this happened are
not clear to me and maybe they never will be but now I have to pick
myself up stop being mad at my God and figure out what I am suppose to
do in my life. Also I have been so concerned with what people think and
how can I face people when I return home. I feel so humiliated and
lost. Last year when this happened I totally knew why. I was supposed
to be at home to do youth group and then I got to go to Vietnam but this year I don’t feel that way. Things
are weird there. I am not sure if I will be wanted or appreciated. But
last night I kind of just broke down and told God I was sorry and
listened to one of my favorite worship cd’s called enter the worship
circle. I read Ephesians and God met me there and then I watched my
friend’s nooma videos. Things are still up in the air but its kind of a
nice feeling that I can start over any where that God has given me this
clean slate. But I do know my sister and I are planning a trip to Arizona in thanksgiving and we are going to take French classes together! So these are things that I am looking forward to. So
if you see me when I come home soon please don’t tell me you are sorry
this happened to me or that God has a plan b/c I don’t want pity and I
already know that. Maybe just give me a hug and say everything is going
to be ok. Dios Te Benadiga! Viva la Nicaragua